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12 "Rules" for "Turning Your Child into a Crook"
by Rev. Talbot Dilworth-Harrison
as listed in his Chesterfield, England, church bulletin.



  1. Begin from infancy to give the child everything he wants. This way he will grow up to believe that the world owes him a living.
  2. When he picks up bad words, laugh at him. It will encourage him to pick up "cutter" phrases that will blow the top off your head later.
  3. Never give him any spiritual training. Wait until he is 21 and then let him decide for himself.
  4. Avoid the use of the word "wrong." It may develop a guilt complex. This will condition him to believe later when he is arrested for stealing a car that society is against him and he is being persecuted.
  5. Pick up anything he leaves lying around books, shoes, clothing. Do everything for him so he will be experienced in throwing the responsibility onto others.
  6. Let him read any printed matter he can get his hands on. Be careful the silverware and drinking glasses are sterilized, but let his mind feed on garbage.
  7. Quarrel frequently in the presence of the children. Then they won't be too shocked when the home is broken up.
  8. Give the child all the spending money he wants. Never let him earn his own. Why should he have things as tough as you had them?
  9. Satisfy his every craving for food, drink and comfort. See that every desire is gratified. Denial may lead to harmful frustrations.
  10. Take his part against the neighbors, teachers and policemen. They are all prejudiced against your child.
  11. When he gets into real trouble, apologize for yourself by saying, "I never could do anything with him."
  12. Prepare for a life of grief you will have it.
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